Crystal Clear

No Date Since 2002 Cont'd

This is a continuation of this post. From about Oct/Nov 2002 through Nethan's birth in  June 2003 and through 2004 time was largely spent in being pregnant and then in relishing as many moments as I could in being his mother. Longtime readers know Nethan has had GI issues since just about birth that have consumed a great deal of energy and time and of course money. Besides waiting for doctor appointments and tests,energy and time was spent on the Internet learning as much as I possibly could about GI issues as well as neurological stuff. I actually dropped out of a PhD program I was spending so much time researching Nethan's symptoms and worrying about them. So there really was not only no interest in dating there was no emotional availability.

2005 was spent in preparing to move to Hawaii (landed here June) and of course then getting a job and place to live. This year we have the death of my beloved grandmother, surgery, changing jobs, and the recent  move which was about as close as you can get but still a great deal still to be done. So the guy in 2002, the last guy I dated... he freaked out because he was closer in age to my parents than myself. Really it was no great loss. It was the second date. At some point along the line I came up with a rule for myself that gave every guy who was a decent human being three dates. At least I think that is what happened. I can point to no other strong reaction that last evening besides that moment and I never heard from him again. Like I said, it isn't as though it was a terrible loss and it wasn't even one of the stranger reasons  someone stopped seeing me. The strangest reason for stopping seeing me has to be the guy (he told the mutual friend who set us up this reason) who stopped seeing me because I didn't have Bryceton circumcised. No, I kid you not.Yes he was culturally Jewish but not religiously Jewish. Still  I guess it makes sense on some level but all I could do was laugh (Still  DO!)

Bottom line or at least a line, I never ever truly thought I would end up a single mother to one son let alone two sons. And nope, I didn't and don't want to stay a single mom forever.

100 Things...One at a time

So yes the requirement to have two posts between blogitive posts is going to necessitate some additonal blogging which brings me to the idea of the standard old 100 Things about me that I never have gotten around to writing in over two years of blogging. Kudos and thanks to See Suzy Spin for use of the graphic unless she asks me to pull it.
1. I have not been on a date since early 2002. I know from about Oct/Nov 2002 through Nethan's birth in  June 2003 and through 2004 was largely spent in being pregnant and then in relishing as many moments as I could in being his mother. See here for the continuation

Do Ghostwriters Work the Graveyard Shift?

    So I have a new one to add to the resume :-) I am now a PAID ghost writer. Definitely not as easy as blogging but fun nonetheless. Actually very very fun. Well,okay also not as fun as blogging either.
    The first articles were right up my alley and dealing with issues relevant to adoption. The one tonight was for Alternative Real Estate Financing: Acquiring Property with Little or No Cash, Credit, or Personal Liability...Hey don't laugh too hard, Nethan had a thousand dollars worth of dental work a few weeks back and learned today it is highly likely...highly probably Bryceton is going to have braces. The dentist actually said I brought him a very interesting young man and said the upper part is a "real mess". Seems Bryceton doesn't have a tooth to come in where he should have a tooth. Although he doesn't have the cavities Nethan had, poor thing is having a shell of a tooth yanked tomorrow and sealant put on his permanent molars. Crystal Clear these boys did not get my genetics when it comes to their teeth.
    So those two great American novels I was going to write and the one screenplay based on an adaptation of Elective Affinities  I was going to write...guess they wait a while..I still can't believe no one has adapted it for the screen...Look what someone else wrote about it "disturbingly dark work about rational people driven to distraction by passion and love." Even the title is great. Off the top of my head I think I'd cast John Malkovich as the Captain...so if you see it on the big screen some day...just recall it was my idea and I was typing away at 10$ an article!

Happy Blogiversary to Me

Two years...hardly seems like celebrating...It was last week when I wasn't blogging about Terri Schiavo the way I had planned and wanted... Too much going on personally...None of it worthy of blogging...Oh well guess there will be these times..

Take Notes...

The graphic on the right, although tongue in cheek, has significance to me. I loved both Legally Blonde movies because in  some sense I could truly relate to Elle's experiences and I loved cheering her on as she surprised everyone.

It may come as some surprise but I was quite the hotty when I was younger. I had long blonde hair and was relatively hot and was seen primarily as those two things: Blonde and Hot. It hopefully won't come as a surprise but I was also always  highly intelligent. I had always known I was smart. However, whether my issue or the male species issue... not a single male ever got past the first two... I was Blonde and Hot. I can't think of a single guy who took me seriously for far too many years. Not to say I didn't eventually capitalize on it a bit by going to Japan with my MBA and working with Japanese businessmen raking in beaucoup bucks for the company...but  it took two masters degrees, a lot of therapy, and a great deal  of experience before I and some men could begin to appreciate both my intelligence and attractiveness. Somewhere along the line,thank goodness,  I had embraced the saying:

Beauty fades ....stupidity is FOREVER.

Yes,okay,  it was right alongside the saying:

Nothing tastes as good as being a size 4 feels.

But back to the post... I write all of this because I think it is relevant to the coffee I had with 43rd district Representative Kymberly Pine on Monday morning.

You too can also write letters and make phone calls and PUT YOURSELF  out there... Be nervous and anxious. This was not easy for me to do. You never know until you put it out there and ASK. Ask for a meeting. Go ahead... ASK...

I never saw myself as a person who would get a personal response or who would know what to do with a personal meeting.Granted I truly think Kymberly is a special type of politician and I am very grateful she is my representative, I still suggest you do the same and hope you have the same ype of experience I had.

Kymberly was just as beautiful and as warm as she appears in her picture. . She was engaging, genuine, and really fun to be around. I was nervous I admit. I also know I reframed it on the drive to being excited to have such an opportunity and proud (??)  somehow Hawaii has this type of engagement possible. We talked about the obvious local issues of housing and education and she listened as I shared my experiences of having moved here with plans of improving the lives of myself and my boys and yet the minimization/devalutaion/lack of understanding by Hawaii regarding the profession of  Marriage and Family Therapy. While sharing my thoughts and impressions of the mental health system, she suggested we should get me on one of the Governor's task force committees. Comical and intuitive because I am so naive I was going to ask her what the process is regarding being appointed to a task force committee! I also out of my naivete asked her about getting this May proclaimed Foster Care  month in Hawaii as I had no idea about the process or whehter it was too late.This is definitely in the works and I will keep you updated. Take note...Seriously.. click on the link... check out getting your Governor to proclaim May-Foster Care Month...Do it. I am shocked something so simple hasn't been done in Hawaii  before and it definitely isn't too late for you to ask your own Governor. What a simple request with such possibilites for so many kids.Don't count on someone else having done it. Just do it. It is really easy.

Kymberly  appeared relaxed and yet genuine as she shared her experiences dealing with the various factions of local government. It was fun to share thoughts about Ed Case shaking up the Democrat establishment and wishing him well.  She really had a way of not only respecting my views  and questions about an issue but presenting a logical and rational explanation for her position that also addressed my underlying concern. Masterful...and I say that will complete respect.

Frankly, it was fun and it was a total blast. I enjoyed spending time with her and hope to meet with her again. I plan on meeting with her again. Not to mention it feels great to know who I am really voting for...

This single mom to two boys working a new job in a new home state who just lost her beloved grandmother and under went surgery made time to put herself out there and try it and can not possibly reccommend the experience highly enough.

Full Battery

Yes, a full battery. Last night I started to post and I could barely get it to post I was alive. Tonight it is strange to be back to posting. True to form there are 164 billion things I should be doing and yes... I know I am exaggerating. Gimme a break.. it is after all my blog.

A week or even two days ago I would have told you this blog was a done deal. I just couldn't keep it up any longer even though I still wanted to keep it and really didn't want to end it. Last night and tonight are different in that I am trying something a bit different in comparison to the past 6 weeks or so. I need to spill... I need to connect. The connections I am making at work are not of the type I can spill the beans and connect on a personal and meaningful level....

First off I owe a huge apology to the Cotillion gals as I had a post with all the links and write ups ready to post and then somehow closed it and left it in draft status thinking I had posted it...I also didn't have the keys to our/their spot on mu.nu. How awful to have let so many wonderful women down. Part of what has stopped me from posting in addition to the new job is that back on October 8,2005 I sat for the Marriage Family Therapist license here in Hawaii. After being licensed in Ca for 10 years you wouldn't think it should have been such a big deal. However, it was a big deal since I had the new job and the test had a very different focus than the licensing exam I took in Ca back in 1995. I put in as much study time as I could fit but I won't know if I passed or failed for another month or so. I am not placing any bets on whether I passed or failed. I just know if I have to take it again next year I will most definitely pass.

As for the rest of the update. We are still living with my very patient and loving parents in their 2 bedroom condo. I have about an hour commute each way most days. Some days I stay here in Honolulu and the drive is about as bad as driving out to Ewa. Poor Nethan is in desperate need of playing with other kids but the preschool at my work won't have an opening for him for another month or two. Poor grandma, as she is held hostage by a beautiful but demanding youngster who is very ...TWO....Poor grandpa as he has his home slowly being consumed by toys and the clutter of children.Although Bryceton seems to have made a better adjustment to school than he had a month or so ago, he is still not as happy with his friends and learning as he was at Open Classroom.

Here you can see all of us at a wonderful and extravagant meal at Nick's Fishmarket to celebrate my job. My job is amazing. On one hand it is a really great match for my skills and experience. On the other hand it is an amazing amount of work and responsibility with a very steep learning curve. The more difficult challenges lately seem to be dealing with my tendency to get totally and completely wrapped up in things that have no ending and to feel guilty for doing things that take care of "me". No the blog is not what I am thinking of in this case...In this case it is enjoying my boys. Being with my boys is taking care of "me" in a way I hadn't realized until the past week or so.I love them so much and in the day to day life lately of scrambling around I almost lost how much I enjoy them and enjoy being their mom. The day to day stuff has to be enjoyed and currently it is very hard meshing it in with this job.

I found us a place to rent that is a whole other interesting story. I have been so busy I haven't even been able to find time to email the head of the development corp. to see why my unit (which I qualified for and gave them a check for on 9/19/05) is sitting there empty , only missing a washer and dryer. Time tics away so I will somehow find the time tomorrow to call them in Texas and then try to post the story tomorrow night. My writing is quite disjointed I am sure but hey...I never promised you a coherent update...I don't know if I promised you anything but I do know I can sleep a bit better tonight knowing there might be a few comments to cheer me tomorrow night.

Crystal in a Bikini

Circa 1971...my first trip my sister Wendy with our Grandmother...

Sis and I actually getting along...

The two of us with our Great-Grandmother

and my most favorite pic of all from this group... my mother at the age of 25......

Project Aloha-Day 34...The 'You Really Like Me' Edition

I am quite relieved I didn't post my to-do list for Monday on Sunday's edition. I am just awful at consistently underestimating how long things will take to get accomplished. What an embarrassment. For about 10 must do items on my list I only accomplished 3 of them completely and 2 of them partially. Today I accomplished the following:

• Told my boss-
• For some reason I had not even thought about her response or the clinic's response to me leaving. After a discussion with my previous boss who still works at the clinic, he encouraged me to ask for a leave of absence and believed the clinic would  do right by me. Frankly I really thought the clinic would be greatly relieved to be rid of me. I am one of 2 therapists who are on a salary with benefits basis. All of the other therapists are on an hourly basis with no benefits at all.
• I was a bit taken aback and quite moved by her response. At the end of our conversation she actually came from around her desk to give me a HUG. For all the years I have known her, I have never seen her exhibit a spontaneous kind emotion. I don't deal with her very often but my experience is by no means unique to me. She has extremely flat affect and is extremely difficult to engage in any dialogue. In summary, things could not have gone better. They are going to pay me my vacation time on my last day AND I am welcomed back AT ANY POINT IN TIME in the future. That is really something. It was quite Crystal Clear to me she was very sorry to see me go and really wishes me and my boys the very best. I also had no clue as to how much holding in telling the clinic I am leaving has been weighing on me. I felt as if 10,000 pounds had been lifted off of me when I headed back to my office. I still am not quite clear on what happens regarding my health insurance but this was a wonderful way to begin my exit out the doors I entered 10 years ago.

•     Told the group home teens-
• This alone could be an entire post by itself. You might be surprised to know the teen boys took my leaving much harder than the teen girls. This is a very touchy and difficult experience for most clients let alone foster kids who have had to constantly deal with issues of loss and abandonment for their entire lives. I am pretty certain I am quite the anomaly as far as a therapist and Clinical Director for group home teens. I have been with the CARE group homes for almost 6 years. Frankly, most therapists can not hang and just do not enjoy working with this population. I believe most therapist like to work with people who want to participate in therapy. We most enjoy working with people who want to and can make changes in their lives. These kids can be and generally are quite brutal when you start working with them. I myself when I first started working with them used to leave the facilities feeling completely poisoned. That is even the word I used back then. Poisoned. Poisoned, poisoned, poisoned. I am a pretty tough cookie and I really didn't think I was going to be able to make it. I used to come home, take a shower, and bitch and moan to anyone who  would listen. I started seriously looking for a job almost immediately when I was assigned to the group homes. It took about 3 1/2  months to get into the swing of things and really come to appreciate the opportunity I was presented. If you haven't guessed by now... I now embrace the situation and the work. I often have thoughts that perhaps I didn't end up as a stay-at-home mom because I was meant to work and meant to work with this very challenging population of angry and hurting teens. Oh the times still come when I wonder about the work I do and try to do...those times actually come quite often...Whether I am grandiose or not in the perception of my work with these kids...I do know I have tried my absolute best. Without a single doubt, I have tried my very very best and I know in my heart and have heard with my very own ears... I have most definitely made a difference in more than a handful of lives.

• Told Scott, Bryceton's classroom teacher on Fridays, I would not be able to volunteer on Fridays any longer.
  
  • This was actually one of the hardest phone calls to make. I don't get paid for this work but it is a commitment I made not only to Bryceton but his classmates and Scott as well. The flyer that came home yesterday about the upcoming classroom campout on the 19th  really slapped me out of my overwhelmedness. I had really thought until this past weekend I might be able to swing the beach campout. I hate camping but Bryceton loves it and I know it makes memories for a lifetime. But when I really thought about all I have to do...largely by my lonesome over the next 34 days... I felt  I really needed the time on those Fridays. Bryceton took it quite well and Scott was wonderful. He hoped and asked we might be able to make at least part of the campout events He reassured me I have been "there" more than I haven't and he was very understanding and supportive. What a relief. I hate letting people down and I really hate hate hate breaking commitments I make. Really disturbs me on a profound level. If I don't have my word...what do I have..? That is guilt I will just have to bear and try to learn from...

    So there you have it. I think I have spent so much time worrying about all that has to be done to get the hell out of here that I have stupidly and am stupidly missing out on something very important in life outside my beloved sons. I have been so consumed with myself and the boys that I have somehow lost knowing and feeling I actually mean something to the other people in my life. I am actually ashamed and freaked out it still is not completely registering with me how important I am to some people. How sad it is that it takes my leaving for people who care for me and for people I do care for to realize we at some earlier point in time created and achieved something heartfelt and amazing. Having written that last sentence... I still am struck by the thought I can't quite grasp meaning much to anyone besides Bryceton and Nethan. I am not saying I don't believe it ...Last week I knew my blog would be "missed"...or I think I knew it would matter to a few...I just am going to really give more of this some thought and would like to invite you to do the same.

    Thinking about your own experience of feeling your life has meaning to people in your own life, do you feel it ? Do you know it? If so...Please share with me how you feel it and how you know it.

Got Comments?

       The blogosphere is definitely an interesting gathering place. Crystal Clear, I never cease to be amazed by the kindness,support, and sense of community I feel with my readers and fellow bloggers. The smiles, support, and feedback are rewarding and appreciated. Respectful and thought-provoking comments grounded in some semblance of reality that don't agree with my opinons are also encouraged and welcomed.

    Less amazing and genuinely quite disheartening are the anger, bitterness, and cruelty some readers feel the need to share with me regarding my blog and what I choose to do with it. I do know much better than to take any of  it personally but it is kind of like offering someone a gift or inviting them into your home and having them...well...shoot...hmmm...what am I trying to say....

    It is kind of like opening a carton of spoiled milk  and accidentally taking a big swig...even though you really really regret it... you are still left with that awful taste in your mouth after you spit it out...

    Crystal Clear, I do put myself out here in the blogosphere. At times I can see it is akin to volunteering to be a target for those who are jealous, emotionally inept, lack personal insight, and project their own unresolved issues onto me in an abusive manner. I won't be manipulated into providing  free psychotherapy or helping the emotionally disturbed re-enact the abuse perpetrated upon them with myself being their victim. I don't and won't bother with any comment  I feel is abusive or don't feel is personally applicable or useful. I do have enough confidence, training and self-awareness to know the difference, even if the commentator doesn't.

Another Question for Those Who Wish to Date Me

    Nethan and I are back from Phoenix. I guess while we were gone there was some gas emergency so I am now having to wait up for the gas man to come by to turn the gas back on and light appropriate pilot lights.
     Seeing my family was nice and brief. I hadn't spoken with any of them about my blogging for Terri and so I was actually kind of surprised when it came up in conversations surrounding the death of the Pope.
    My mom completely "got it". My dad didn't really "get it". My grandmother sort of  "got it" after my mom explained it to her.  My grandfather completely "got it". My 14 year old nephew Trevor thought he "got it" but really didn't get it. My sister was pretty much middle of the road and didn't get it or not get it which is pretty scary to me as well because I am even more convinced now a  few days out that this is most definitely a watershed in my lifetime. I can already imagine the e-mail and comments I will get with the following comment, but frankly,... I find the issues surrounding Terri Schiavo's murder as important as 9/11/01.
    One quarter in jest and three quarters seriously, my sister asked if this was going to be on my list of  questions to ask prospective dates. You see over time we have joked about how I can tell far more about a man on a date or two with several questions than I may want to know or they may want to share so early.
     When I was in graduate school for psych I was taking a psych assessment/testing class and needed to administer some of the tests to volunteers as part of the class assignments. I asked the guy I was dating at the time (also a psych grad student) to help me out by drawing four seemingly simple drawings. The assessment device which I still use primarily with children is referred to as the House-Tree-Person. I took one look at the pictures drawn by the guy I was dating and I knew he had issues with his sexual identity. Not all things are as easily discernible as that, but believe me...I really can tell a great deal by something as simple as a few drawings or a few questions about his favorite animal. Which somehow also  led to some more obvious questions I began asking men because they are things I see as Crystal Clear.  Here are a few:

• OJ Simpson: Innocent or Guilty?
• MUST answer guilty
• Ever slept with a man?
• MUST answer NO
• Would it bother you if your daughter dated a Black/Hispanic/Asian/ man OR woman?
• MUST answer "NO, of course not, as long as the person treated her in a loving manner
• Michael Jackson: Pedophile or freak?
• MUST answer BOTH

    And of course now we have Terri Shiavo....I think you probably know by now how I would wish for them to answer if I was going to seriously consider going out with them for another date.
    No, I am not going to be blogging solely about Terri from now on...but if it bothers you how much I blogged or blog about Terri or how I feel about this issue...please just move on along...Indeed I pride myself on most issues as being open and interested in discussion and being able to see the "other side"...Terri & Michael Schiavo  is not ever going to be one of them... I will probably continue to allow contrarian comments to stand but I will probably not address all issues emailed or commented.

   

Part of What Pays the Bills

'The clues were all there'

Yes, I know of this story and just in case you are wondering... Yes, I see this type of kid quite regularly and frequently....and we always let the school and social worker/probation officer know...The kids always deny they really meant it....when they are held accountable for their threats...The main difference with the kids I work with...I think is they don't have such easy access to guns...If they had the guns, a few of them would have already gone off on a spree...Just a thought... I am not necessarily for or against gun control....

I just am trying to share that there is a tremendous amount of anger and hurt in the kids I see ..

    Perhaps, when things settle down with Terri and she is safe in custody.... I will write more...

Crystal Clear UU Sunday

With recent comments and questions about  UU principles, I decided to start taking, at least for this Sunday, time to write about some personal reflections about UU Principles & Purposes...I think you will find at least in my experience of UUs, I am among a smaller part that is more conservative politically and socially than the rest. I am Pro-life and voted for President Bush although I loath his plans regarding  a guest worker plan and have very strong feelings, thoughts, and experiences regarding illegal aliens.

   

    I lovingly joke about my Ventura UU congregation that you can't trip without falling into a therapist. Therapists and social workers tend to be I think most would agree a more liberal group of people and so it seems people (not just tp) are somewhat curious on how a therapist and a UU....are quite Conservative politically and socially... Thus arrives a series (I hope and plan for if there is interest) of posts that might even entice more conservatives who aren't completely comfortable with Christainity to explore UU...or just to share some grist for the mill ...or for my own spiritual practice...

We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote:

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
    I remember reading all of the tenets of UU and thinking YES! Yes I do, I   want to publicly agree to this covenant as well as affirm and promote these principles. I was so excited to find an "organized" religion that I could embrace and feel a true relationship with in calling myself a member. After years of feeling "left out", because I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my savior, I was finally appreciated in a place where I could explore my beliefs. I could reconcile as well as affirm the  faith I held in my heart and person. I began at this point to really wonderfully and with great relief and peace begin to for the first time in my adult life feel congruent with attending church and want to  refer to God. I still believe I would be a different and better person if I had known of UU earlier in my life.

    How though could I and how did I and do I find myself affirming and promoting people like Hitler, Timothy  McVeigh, and Osama Bin Laden as well as Mother Theresa, Jesus, and Gandhi?

Crystal Clear Problems in Jumping in Mid-Stream to My Blog

    Yesterday's (a bit provocative even in my eyes too) post seems to have brought forth some questions and thoughts by tp regarding congruence between my values, my religious principles as a UU, and illegal aliens of Latin American descent. Part of why I posted it is still in personal process and research. All I really can say at this point is...well ...stay tuned... it is in development and has to do with some honest and valid thoughts and concerns ...yes...in my own mind about skapegoating and scary  historical similarities.  Contrary to what some people may want to think or believe about me... good or bad...I really am not an idiot.
    There is a passion and genuineness  in my blogging that I especially enjoy  and don't believe I will ever tire of...it has to do with putting thoughts and beliefs out there into the blogosphere that are  not necessarily always Crystal Clear or crystallized and seeing what happens next. Of course the dangerous and potentially uncomfortable part is that there are times visitors will will have not only their own valid opinions, experiences, and values regarding an issue to interpret my post(s) by but then jump in quasi-midstream without having read much or all of my other writings and share virtually nothing of their own background in their comments making a point or asking for clarification. Many times the clarification requested by a commentator is already there in previous posts or in the longtime running themes of my blog! Even if all of my posts have been read and digested there remains the possibility there will be respectful disagreement. I can handle respectful disagreement  and won't lose sleep over that or ever try to hinder  it in  any way. However, I  still have a great deal of ambivalence about letting comments "hang out there" that are  not supported with facts or links to relevant information and are indeed distortions. Example, illegal aliens are not illegal immigrants or undocumented workers. Just as I would have been rightfully considered an illegal alien in Japan or Hong Kong if I hadn't procurred the right legal papers...people who overstay visas, don't have visas, etc..are indeed  illegal aliens. They are here illegally. Immigration is a legal process. If these individuals  were here legally, we would be having a different discussion. I grant you there would still be a great deal to discuss in my mind about immigration reform...but it would be a different discussion and exploration.
    My personality finds it difficult to leave questions, comments, and gross distortions  hanging out there in the comments section. Yet there are times when I frankly would rather blog about something different and figure that "theme" will most likely come up again at some point in the future and I will pick it up when I feel interested. However,  I also feel a great responsibility  to provide the information or links requested from commentator(s) where I feel it is necessary or useful to others. Unfortunately, I surf a great deal and don't always remember where I get my own information from! I can assure you, and frequent readers who trust me know this to be true of me... I don't just take MSM information at face value. I always try to seek out the actual document or report and read it myself even if I don't remember to post a direct link to it. I also always use my own personal experiences, knowledge, and training as a psychotherapist when I blog. I feel this is part of what sets my blog apart from the plethora of "me too" blogs and "me too" posts on blogs.
    Nevertheless I am still not sure whether I am more comfortable or uncomfortable with someone who knows me and  respects me  but often disagrees with me such as Andy and Amy having a question or comment hanging out there that goes unacknowledged or the person who is just surfing on by...I do know whether the comments or questions come from a new reader, a stranger, or frequent reader... I always take questions and comments seriously and always greatly appreciate them whether I choose to blog an answer or not...

A Bedtime Story

    Many times throughout the day I think about random things I would like to blog about in a humorous or serious tone. Most often I shake my head at my silly narcissism and quickly remind myself that although the number of my readers does indeed seem to be growing at a very rewarding rate since,

  I am still just one little ol' lonely average yet quite odd read in the blogosphere. Thus, I try to think of things I could write about that I want to write about that are qualitatively different about myself and my experiences. One such example is the post right beneath this one as opposed to my thoughts and extreme pleasure with the premiere of American Idol this evening. Millions enjoyed the show and I was one of them. Millions don't have the years of day in and day out  experiences I have with the "poor", gang members, and foster teens as a Clinical Director and Psychotherapist. 
    Some of you might be jumping into this blog via Blog Explosion and Blog Clicker and some of you are return visitors. For some reason I tonight feel like in part re-capping and re-introducing myself.
The name of my blog, Crystal Clear, refers to a poem Mr. Bob Wilson, my highschool math teacher, wrote about myself and my classmates as we graduated in 1981. Mr. Wilson was a very talented teacher and gifted man. In his poem he wrote about each of us who was graduating. This was not as large a task as it sounds as there was only 32 students in my graduating class. The part about myself referred to me as having my goals in life ...Crystal Clear. Although at times not all of my life goals have seemed Crystal Clear, the goal of motherhood was never ever EVER not at the top of my list. However, along the way I did accomplish a few things. Still now, I can refer to these things as things I did just to fill the time until I became Bryceton's (and now Nethan's Mother). Although a few moments ago I planned on sharing a few of the lesser accomplishments than motherhood, I am now looking at the clock and it is 1.27 a.m...., I must beg off and bid you a Konbanwa...