Crystal Clear

And For My Next Trick

     The marking of my blogiversary also brought to mind  we are coming up on or have reached the one year mark regarding my decision to uproot and  move to Hawaii.

    Even now I can recall the fear and yet excitement of making the decision to leave a job I loved , a great school for Bryceton, and people who we cared for and who cared for us. Although in hindsight it still seemed the Crystal Clear choice to make at the time, it is definitely up there in the category of riskiest life choices I have ever made.

To realize a year ago I made the decision in a dumpy run down abode in Ventura bought the tickets online and now sit here in Hawaii with a career that just keeps getting better and better and has a future matching so closely with all the things I have long held passion for and values for and  have talents for.....I find myself finally exhaling a bit and saying WoW... Good Going Crystal!

Personally and professionally the growing pains have been very trying and quite substantial. However, I have never ever (at least not yet!) regretted the decision. Even in all the trying and stressful times, I knew there was still a potential here for a better life for myself and the loves of my life. The old personal characteristic/strength of having faith carried me through to this moment. Unfortunately, I did forget in the darkest of times to rely even more heavily on my faith. Perhaps it is because these surroundings are still relatively new and I am not completely acclimated here let alone my job and the relationships at work are just shy of 7 months. Nevertheless, I have a sense now of a more integrated and grounded Crystal. There is a sense of the me from before who had direction, purpose, passion, and was able to be genuine with more strength, ability,   and room to take action now to make even more of a difference in more lives. How awesome  is that?

Operation Hula for the Moola COMPLETED!

Show Me the Money Part 2

Hard time believing how much has happened since last time I posted. I still have not fixed the laptop and am most likely just going to re-format the hard drive. Until that happensm, I am here writing on my dad's computer.

The job search has taken an amazing and humorous swing. I am now at this point being seriously considerd for 3 positions. Each of the three positions I would take and feel very good about doing so. Not the best of my grammar on this post and not wanting to take time to edit I am going to outline a great deal of what is going on inside me head and in my life:

• Last Wednesday interview for a position with a start-up org that has a contract with state to provide housing and what not for a portion of the SMI population here. I could tell this woman wanted me. This job is a great match in that I know "group home" stuff and this is group home stuff for adults. I would have a great deal responsibility and liked the woman who would be my supervisor. Great eventual probability for moving into position of CEO. Obvious ability to me to make a difference in the lives of people here who desperately need services. Great feeling as I left. Money talk was left at that I shared with them the salary portion of what I was previously making.They were to call Wednesday with the complete offer and information concerning benefits package. Today I receieved a call saying they were considering me seriously for the position but things were being tweaked a bit and want me to meet with the team and I will get a call next Monday.
• Job 2- Position with the Army as an Adolescent Substance Abuse Counselor. This is actually my "favorite" position. Also honestly the easiest of the three. I have wayyyyyyyyyy more experience than necessary. Also most likely the lowest paying position even though I would go in at at least a Grade 11 with a 25% COLA adjustment for Hawaii. I had an hour 1/2 interview Monday morning and will meet with the woman who'd be my supervisor on Thursday morning. I already had a brief interview with her through a personal contact here so this is more of a formality than true interview. She definitely wants me and the company is in great need to fill not one but 2 positions to be in compliance with their contract. After this interview there is a meeting with a bigger whig in Montana.
• Job 3-This is the wild card position. I was surprised it went as well as it did and that they are moving as quickly as they are...I am so honored and impressed with myself I am even being considered for it. Unfortunately it is largely an administrative position and I wouldn't have the clinical experience with clients. Fortunately I would working with the largest and oldest NPO in Hawaii in the position of Director of Mental Health Services.... This is a fantastic opportunity. Fantastic. Great deal of stress and pressure but I believe after doing this position with this organization and of course doing it with  Crystal Clear style for several years that I would be able to get any number of different positions here or anywhere. The money is yet to be settled but they have checked my references and had requested today's 2nd interview before I had even pulled into the parking lot. Taking into account this is Hawaii, and that is now obvisouly the perspective I must take as I am now in Hawaii... the salary is a good salary for a Hawaii NPO director position.

So there you have it... Most likely the next post will have me posting either a) I have a position and have been hired or b) have receieved an offer and am trying to stall until I can get a higher firm offer from one of the other two... I would take any of these three jobs. If money was the same in all of them I would take the easiest one which is with the Army...but as the single and only financial provider for myself and the boys... the one with the best financial offer is most likely to get me unless the difference is negligible...Definitely exciting exciting stuff....Very exciting. only dampened a bit by the fact that Bryceton is not having the easiest of transitions into school and making friends here. It is getting better and I know it is good for him to face this but he is a great kid who is used to things coming easily to him and so this is a bit of an eye opener. I received the letter yesterday that he did indeed qualify for the Gifted and Talented Program in Ventura. As they don't have a comparable program here in Hawaii, it won't mean much as far as getting him into a program here. Thus things are and will be great for me but it won't mean a whole helluva lot if Bryceton isn't happy and thriving and doing great. Also all three of these jobs are great in that they would be located in areas a great deal more affordable than Waikiki. However, that also means Bryceton will have to go through this difficulty AGAIN... I hate to do that to him...but it so much more affordable and better quality of life out of Honolulu...Please return... I also have another humorous side story and endeavor I want to share in my next post...and please keep me in your prayers. I have thanked and thanked and thanked God for these opportunities and I am truly blessed to be waiting the outcomes... Definitely  more excitement than anxiety but I dont' have any experience in trying to negotiate a higher salary...I do know my gutt was right last week when I had a feeling I would be employed within 2 weeks....So looks like President Adams was correct after all.....

Woe is Me

    I suppose it was bound to happen...A day where I feel...well..."woe is me".

    And yes, I truly know it is yours truly who brought all of this upon myself and I know I honestly don't regret moving here one teeny tiny bit...but today it all seems to be coming together into one major black cloud of doom I just can't seem to shake making things less than Crystal Clear.

    I had another interview today. My 5th. The position was for a Program Manager for Head Start. Definitely not my dream job but I am always pleased to get any interview. Although I knew the position would most likely not meet my minimum salary requirements, I gave it my best shot and feel I did adequately. Unfortunately, it was once again quite Crystal Clear the position would not pay a salary which a single mom with two children in Hawaii could live upon. I guess I would be more heartbroken if it was a dream job but this whole interviewing for positions that are not even close to a decent salary IMNSHO is now starting to take a toll. I am very tired of hearing how salaries here in Hawaii are so much less than on the mainland. I am tired of reading day after day after day how there are all these problems and issues with Adult Mental Health and the kids in Foster Care and the kids in the Juvenile Justice System and the need for therapists serving the Military, yadda yadda yadda and yet here I sit a woman with over 15 years of experience in mental health and substance abuse issues, 2 masters degrees, and a license from the state of California that permits me to be in Private Practice...and I am having a difficult time, not in finding a job but in finding a job that pays enough to support myself and my two kids! Goodness! I almost bit off my tongue wondering if it was time to publish this post yet... I can only hazard to guess what type of comments I will get if any...but we are off for a brief stroll and a fill-up on the reminder of how lucky we are to be here...

    Every single morning I still wake up glad I am here and grateful I don't have to get back on that plane and leave...Yes everything has a price, but I should have enough education, skills, experience, and qualifications to be able to live here and contribute and not have to live with my family to do so.

The Headhunter Edition

    The pickins' in the paper were a bit scarce this week as far as places to send resumes but I had set up an interview with a headhunter for today.

   

Wendy was great. Although the usual distressing news that I won't make here in Hawaii what I made in Mexifornia was frustrating, she let me know I was doing great. She said my resume was good but had a few interesting suggestions:

• I need a personal interest section and it should share something outdoorsy I like to do
• I should figure out a way to put on there that I lived in both Japan and Hong Kong
• Not regarding the resume, but she suggested I tell prospective employers I am here to be with my parents and even more specifically ...my elderly mother . I have been including I relocated to be closer to my family but she said I should specifically say parents.

    She said my qualifications and education and experience and presentation are great. She said I just needed to hang loose and I would be snapped up. Most likely she will not be able to help me at this point because

• she can't present me for a year to any of the places I have already sent resumes
• the step I could or should be able to make now won't happen until  I have the contacts to go along with it by being here for a while

She also shared that the salary range for the first position with PACT was a good one. She wasn't surprised by the range of the Salvation Army one and  reminded me people here on the island move quite slowly and I might still here from the other two.

    All in all a very good experience.

Am I supposed to be miserable and scared? I kind of waiver between fearful  and grandiose. I understand now I am not going to be able to make the jump up in responsibility and position I had hoped to make to offset the lower salaries here in Hawaii. I also begrudgingly understand my MFT license is a hard sell here compared to LCSW. Pisses me off royally and AAMFT and CAMFT should be ashamed of themselves. Stay tuned as Crystal starts in on Hawaii legislators about the comparability of LCSWs and MFTs. Next step the Nation!

    Earlier I had planned on a few posts comparing LCSWs, MFTs and PhDs. That may still come. At this point it is very personal and the descriptions of the courses LCSWs take is hard to decipher or compare to MFTs.  I can share when you are looking for a therapist the main thing to consider is experience and the relationship you feel you have with the therapist or the relationship you feel you can build with the therapist. Imagine how frustrating it is for me to know I am a damn good therapist and it is not valued. Being a psychotherapist is not an easy job. Well frankly it comes quite easily to me now but it is not something I had right out of the gate as an intern with a graduate  degree. LCSWs and PhDs are not the only ones here in Hawaii with an understanding of the interventions and treatment modalities to improve people's lives! What the fuck is the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists doing to change this? Funny how sitting in Ventura Mexifornia this was never an issue or a thought. Always bigger fish to fry I guess.

    Honestly I do feel I am living up to the challenge of having moved here. I knew it would be rough to find a job but I never imagined it would be about these issues! I thought it would be about me and my interviewing skills. Well it isn't. This is actually a harder nut to crack. More recently I do admit to feeling a sense of WTF is going on with this place. A sense of grandiosity I definitely need to keep in check. The other hand I feel like a worthless piece of shit and wonder if I shouldn't just bag this whole career since I  can't support my family and switch over to business organizations. The headhunter today didn't think that was such a grand idea. And so it goes..
     Tomorrow's Operation Hula for the Moola doesn't have any interviews planned but Easter Seals is coming in the morning for Nethan and then my mother and I are going for tea and some shopping. You see I am still looking for that outfit.

Show Me the Money

       Believe it or not...and I am sure you do... I posted last night about  the interviews I have had but  I didn't get to save it before the laptop lost power. Makes for a very tangential and stream of consciousness post tonight...In fact I almost thought about calling this post the Friendship Edition...
    I have been putting myself  "out there" for lack of a better words. I am an alum of Thunderbird, The Garvin School of International Management. Thunderbird is extremely well known for it's networking. In fact in many cities across the world there is a gathering of T-birds every last Tuesday of the month. I myself have been to T-bird Tuesdays in Glendale, Japan, Hong Kong, LA, and Cincinnati. I have a bazillion stories about the mystique of the T-Bird connection and 6 degrees of separation but they aren't important this evening. What is important to me tonight is that I have started the process of making friends. Not the friends you meet because your kids go to the same school and not the friends you make by sitting in front of your computer screen which of course are wonderful but not the same... but friends in the sense of friends and networking. It was fun and unusual, in fact HIGHLY unusual for me to have several hours with grown-ups and not talk about our kids.Although this was a part of why I moved to Hawaii since I have the best of all babysitters right here..a.k.a grandparents it was really even more enjoyable and interesting than I had hoped.

    As far as the job and interviewing update...The first interview on Tuesday went quite well. I am surprised I have not had a call for a 2nd interview. I say that all the while wanting to let you know it was a ton more work and responsibility and a great deal less money than I was making in Mexifornia. There was an extra interview thrown in on Wednesday late afternoon with Salvation Army Family Treatment Services. I have had a quasi job offer and was quite flustered when she called. Flustered because frankly I have never had to turn a job down and have never had to negotiate a salary. The offered salary is grossly grossly grossly grossly ....you get the picture right...less than I was making. Furthermore it was not much more than I was making with  3....yes THREE years experience and I have almost 15 now...Today I had the interview for Safe Haven with Mental Health Kokua. Honestly I don't think the interview went extremely well. I could definitely do the job, I am qualified for the job, but the place didn't seem like a great place to work. Salary was never mentioned. Afterwards I stopped by a Head Hunter's office. Scuttlebutt is it is the best on the island. After a bit of brief review of my resume, we set an appointment for Monday. This may be the way for me to try and make a transition out of social services with my skills and M.B.A and  make a decent liveable salary. Later in the afternoon I received a call for an interview for a Public Policy Coordinator position with the Hawaii State Coalition Against Dometic Violence . I find it exciting to think about that one. I wouldn't even begin to think it would pay enough but I really look forward to learning about their work and organization.

   As you can see there is definitely progress. Crystal Clear my resume is strong enough to be getting interviews and my interviewing isn't as bad as I had imagined since I already have one strong quasi offer. Unfortunately it now is really going to come down to the money....It just ain't here...There are always going to be people it seems willing to take less money than Crystal to live in paradise.  I am not downhearted for very long...Adjustments will be made and things will work out...I haven't lost faith and I honestly, no matter how many times I hear from people about how much less the salaries are here, have not regretted moving here or looked back...Nope I knew in my gutt for my boys and myself I had to get out of there...and now we are here...and I will succeed. Just needs time to ....Crystallize...Yep...time to Crystallize...

2...Two...Count Them 2!

No, no, no... not Tea for Two or

even Two to Tango
Two phone calls before 10 am for two interviews!

    Tomorrow I start the interview the process (or start and end it ) for a Program Director position with Parents and Children Together. Thursday it is for the Program Director position with Mental Health Kokua- the Safe Haven facility.

    This is definitely headed in the right direction but frankly I have to remind you that as much bravado as I have about feeling like I am interviewing the organizations as much as they are interviewing me...Hold on to your seat as I remind you or share with you I have not had a real interview for a job since Fall 1993...Yes that one resulted in employment, but I am more than a tad nervous. Seems silly to worry about but perhaps not...but my Knock'em Dead interview outfit is TOO SMALL...Oh the curse words that came out of my mouth...I did go and find a nice pair of  Amalfi black low heeled pumps but the best dress I found is not that great..this Calvin Klein shirt-dress.

 

Any words of wisdom or support would be greatly appreciated. I know to be myself. I don't have a problem being myself... I just worry about silly stupid interview questions. 'Nuff said... I now am off to compile my first and last edition of the infamous Bonfire of the Vanities...

7 ...Count THEM...SEVEN

    No...not the seven seas...
    No...not the seven deadly sins

                                        No...not the seven year itch...

or the seven years bad luck from breaking a mirror

Shhh...They All are Asleep

and of course I should be asleep as well but I just thought I would take a moment to recap even if briefly some of my thoughts and feelings...More resumes out and a bit of response...I couldn't enroll Bryceton in school because the receptionist didn't have the doctor's form filled out for us to take. Nice to know now though that neither of my munchkins has been exposed to TB...Nethan's latest GI is back to the start in her thinking in that she thinks Nethan is holding onto his poop. I kid you not. Believe me when you read you do not want to know what our mornings are like now...painful for everyone and most of all for Nethan...I had Dr. Boles the Geneticist from CHELLA fax his report to her because I can't quite explain to her what he shared with me. She said she spoke with Dr. Derdoy and that he is back to wondering with her if Nethan doesn't have a bad bad bad horrid case of Functional Fecal Retention. I have to tell you and if you have followed this story on Nethan, you know I think this is a crock of... well...shit. Babies that young can't hold onto their poop and he has had a big distended tummy from the start...I  guess we just try it for a few more weeks...Weighs so terribly heavy on my mind and heart...He is so damn sweet and funny...Stubborn yes...but what if he isn't holding on to his poop...Unbelievable we are here over 2 years and he is only going to the bathroom because of an adult prescription laxative that is now doubled and tripled daily...

Bad Bad Blogger

I am beginning to wonder if I don't need to shut this blog down until I get a job. The stress of looking for work with no true support around me IRL would seem to be reason to keep it going but I have so many other things I want to blog about as well and the conflict inside is just a bit too much for me right now. I am not going to do it immediately because I am up for hostessing bonfire of the vanities in a few weeks and I love being a part of the Cotillion, The Wide Awakes, Round the Reader, and want to blog on Chris Short's Conservative Thinking blog...so I can't quite give it all up... Just find me a well-paying job and things will come together... That is the ticket you know...if I have a job then I have income and my family will lessen the pressure and then when I am not working I can blog as looking for a place to live won't take as much time as looking for work....I do have a couple things brewing as far as work but no interviews set up yet.... This week I was hoping and am going to try my best to bump up my efforts another notch but Nethan has a follow-up appointment with the GI (that is a whole other post I really should do...) and a Speech Therapist appointment, Bryceton has his Ped appointment to get his school physical and then I need to enroll him in school...oh and I still have not set up a checking account and closed the other or completely set up my quicken to pay bills.... So these type of things really seem to throw me out of the looking for employment mode... I will fight the battle...Just wish I could blog more... Really do... I know it will come again... It will and then I will be back surfing around the blogosphere just like good ol' times...and posting about Take Back the Memorial and how this infidel has a lot to make Crystal Clear to those bumbling terrorists and of course...the one that still weighs heavily on my mind and soul ...several times a day it seems....Terri Schiavo...Gone but never... ever forgotten..

Operation Hula for the Moola...

    Blogging through Project Aloha was so very helpful to me personally. I really appreciated the comments of support. And so it seems  like time for a  personal update.  We have now been  here in Hawaii  for a month and I have several observations. First off, it is amazing how much better I feel when I am on my body's schedule as far as the sleep-wake cycle. Of course not having to get up and get myself and the kids ready for "the day" must play a part as well. Physically and stress wise these past few weeks have been about as good as they get.

    Although I sent out a couple of resumes a few weeks back, I really have not been spending any considerable energy on finding a job. Pretty much I have been spending my time being a SAHM,settling in, and enjoying the boys. Unfortunately we have only been to the beach three times and that is a shame. It just feels completely wrong to go to the beach when I should be looking for work (even though of course I haven't used the time to look for work). As any SAHM will tell you the days just fill themselves up. I have taken care of things like doctor appointments, registering the car, and chauffeuring my mother around for the amazing amount of grocery shopping we seem to need to do.

    My concerns about living with my parents have for the most part been for naught. My mom has really been great. Great. Of course there are times and they have increasing lately but the times have not been as lengthy or as intense as I feared. Once again it is most likely because my stress level is so low I have the patience and energy to weather the storms. This past week the pressure to look for work from my parents has considerably and understandably increased.

 

     As a single mom it seems to me there are times I experience what I refer to as the Father/Husband/Masculine stressors more than others. I am far more comfortable and competent with the Mother/Wife/Feminine stressors than the other. The stress of not having a job, not knowing how long it is going to take to find a job, concerns on how much a job will pay, and the unpleasantness of looking for a job are far more present now than they were a week ago when I was dealing with Nethan's new Ped GI.

    The fears are here and the fears are very real. Initially when I started this post my intentions were to write more about Nethan and his GI update, the anxiety, and my plans for achieving the goal of a well-paying job. Only now it is after 8 a.m and time to get back to the things I didn't finish yesterday.