Crystal Clear

Time to Move Again

 Although there still seems to be a few bitter and jealous people who would love to see me fail here in Hawaii-no, we are not moving back to that state. The home we wanted a year ago here at Iroquois Point is finally coming available later this month!

It is highly likely this will be our home for a very long time. I can't see us moving until I marry a wonderul and fantastic man and we own a home. Where we will be moving is walking distance to the beach, walking distance to their school, 4 bedrooms, and a standalone home with a side yard for an affordable rent of $1800 a month.The floors in all of these places are absolutely atrocious. They have those awful institutional vinyl tiles. The floor in the new place at least appears to have a greater shine than this one. I still also hate the preponderance of bugs here and don't feel much more fond of the geckos than I did a year ago but I suppose even living in Hawaii has to come with some "buts" besides the cost of living here is astounding.

On other fronts, yesterday was especially rounded out by really and truly enjoying my work and being grateful for the flexibility and freedom I feel I have right now to dedicate so much of my energy into being mom to the boys. This agency is tops as far as leadership and living and walking their talk. I don't know if I could ever say enough positive things about them.

Additionally, we have been blessed by having a mother from Nethan's classroom be my childcare provider on an as needed basis. She and her family are awesome and a true life godsend. Because of her generosity and flexibility at only paying her when I need her, I am able to spend more time with the boys and not have to worry about covering the extraordinary costs of childcare I have always had to pay. Also having my family around for help during vacations is huge and a wonderful thing for the boys. They adore their grandparents and are pretty heartbroken Grandma and Grandpa are away in Phoenix right now for a few months. Not having to budget 7-9 thousand dollars a year for childcare has made a tremendous difference financially and in the overall quality of our life. I also continue the ghost writing and it is pretty challenging on a number of fronts even if it isn't quite yet as financially rewarding as I need. With less doctor appointments on the horizon and more stability in our lives, I feel there is slowly becoming more time available to dedicate to building my practice. So all in all you can see despite some challenges I have and yet won't get into here, when my boys are happy and healthy  and I have time to care for and enjoy them, my life is very very sweet indeed.
 

Get Me Some of That

Several longtime readers wrote over the past few days asking about us and well it seemed like the time to indulge myself..How sad is that? Writing on my blog is considered indulging myself?

At first the comments about me handling my job and doing well seemed so strange to me because I don't feel like I am handling it very well. Of course there are moments where I feel ok and fine and it is a great match. However there are just as many moments in the past week or so where I am just absolutely overwhelmed I am going to not make the grade and am not going to make it past my trial period of six months. I don't think it is my personality flaws that are necessarily getting in the way either. I think it is a phenomenally difficult albeit challenging position. I am the third person in 2 years. My boss is the last person to have held this position for any length of time which adds its own dimension to it. Then throw in the part that I am sleeping in bed with the two boys and living with my parents and have a 45 minute commute and my thyroid meds are off and well ...I think I am doing quite well. Just maybe not good enough for their needs...then again the length of time it takes to recruit a new person ...and accreditation and RFPs coming up...well they might best be stuck with me and working with me...Frankly at this point I have just decided to find my own way through it... I think it is a good match. I like the work I am doing. I think I am uniquely qualified and unless they find a single woman with no kids with my experience...they would best to stick it out with me as well. Also as a side note, if and when I get the Hawaii license as a Marriage Family Therapist , I will have solid job security and marketability.

Biggest news is Nethan starts Pre-school tomorrow.What an event this shall be considering he just fell asleep on my lap about 10 minutes ago and it is midnight...He will definitely be better off on most every account. I just still can't help but worry and be concerned about the long days he will have ahead of him. I also wonder about him and his stubbornness in fitting in and dealing with their schedule. He is definitely head strong and very stubborn. For November he will be going three days a week. That is terrific in my book. By December he will be full time.

The home I want is not available for unknown number of MONTHS.No reasonable explanation. Looks fine except it is missing washer and dryer but the mgt company/dev't company  won't release it. Because of the stress of living here and it is by all accounts by all individuals stressful..I have decided to take another unit which is a duplex with the plan to move to the other unit in several months. This will either help things a great deal or will push me right over the edge.

My other blogging news is that I am about to also be involved with the Hawaii Association of Marriage and Family Therapists as a member of a team of spokespeople regarding mental health issues in Hawaii. Highly likely I will also be a board member. As I will be preparing and presenting testimony, I anticipate writing it up here on my blog and getting feedback and certainly having readers email the legislators wouldn't hurt either. So look forward to that. Which also falls into line with my realization back when I  was looking for work, I write better and think better when I am blogging. It helps me get past the writer's block and makes writing and communicating much easier. Not to mention, I like blogging, I miss blogging, and I really enjoy and treasure the relationships I have developed. The support and interest mean a great deal when I feel like I have the past week or so......very very lonely...very very alone...So don't write me completely off...

In the Last 24 Hours or So

In the past 24 hours or so

Could Quit My Day Job

My OC personality really kicks in at times and this is one of those times. It is truly so Me to undertake such huge projects when everything in my life is so chaotic and full of anxiety. I have never put down kitchen tile and yet I DID it! I have never painted and I have pretty much DID it! Would have finished if I hadn't run out of paint. Caela came out to help and man oh man did she ever help...So yes I am exhausted and exhausted for a good reason and have a beautifully painted living room as a consequence! I will have to finish the rest on Monday as the Dunn Edward's Store isn't open on Sundays. No matter cause it gives me time to head down to Carpeteria and pick out laminate flooring!!!I still have not quite figured out how or what I am going to say to Don the landlord regarding the carpet. I figure I have saved him several hundred dollars by putting down the tile and painting this myself. He should walk in and say "THANK YOU CRYSTAL" but I am betting on

Major Catch Up Time

Hmmm where to begin. I have written so many emails lately about all that is going on and all that is not going on with Nethan that I have not had any energy to write about it here.
Part of why I picked up blogging again is to have a central place for people to read about what is going on instead of me having to type the same email over and over again and instead I have just connected with more wonderful caring praying people who are desirous of updates!
Thursday was pretty much an intense increase Crystal's stress day as I met with a new general pediatrician who I knew more than AND the Nanny started to whig out in very bizarre ways. The stress is clearly getting to all of us and I just can't completely deal with divorcing her right yet...My parents showed up from Phoenix later that night. I was so glad to have them here. Really Really Really G L A D....However, on
Friday when I was going to blog my mom threatened me that if I sat down at the computer she would walk out the door....So here is the rest of what has been going on...

Crystal the Renter Improver

So this is what I have been up to today. Well actually that is the "right as I realized I didn't take 'before' pictures and have just started to rip the baseboards off" picture. Here
is a picture of the nasty flooring and the dark cupboards without the distracting clutter. True to form it has been three times more time-consuming and more difficult than I imagined. No it really isn't that difficult of a job to do. The challenging part is doing it while also having Bryceton and Nethan underfoot! Single motherhood is not for the weak or fearful... it is crystal clear it is for

Simplify

I saw this journal at Cracker Barrel last year and didn't want to spend $12.99 for it figuring I could find it on Half.com for a lot cheaper or do my own version of it....Well of course that did not happen so I then told my mom I wanted it for Christmas but that did not happen. So deciding the universe must want me to have it because it was still there last weekend, I purchased it. Later that night before heading for the Jacuzzi I considered the first exercise.... and was so deflated I just closed the book. Here we are a week later and it is 2:39 p.m and we are all still in our PJs and this was not the plan for the day....I clearly need to simplify and clearly need assistance so figured I might as well try it out here... maybe one entry a week at the worst?
First category is Home

List five adjectives that describe the house I am living in:
1: White-trash
2: Cramped
3: Falling apart
4: Tacky
5: Hideous

What is my favorite room?
Although the backyard isn't really a room I think it captures what this exercise is trying to get at
I am connected to this room because:
it is open and peaceful. It is not as tacky or falling apart like the rest of the place. There is foliage and life and light. The flowers and plants change throughout the year according to my ability or inability to keep them alive.
I feel good when I am here because: in comparison to the rest of the place it is not falling apart. In several ways it is my place. It also is fairly easy to change things around and easy to keep clean and decluttered. I also use the place and times I am out there for prayer and meditation.
I can learn from this and re-arrange other rooms by:
Well if I could do this I would but that is part of the problem. Part of my problem in that there is too much stuff in this place. Also since I am a low-life white trash renter I can not fix up this place the way this place really needs fixing up. The carpet. The tile. The fixtures. The need for paint. This place is trashed.
Ok this is about it for now.