Crystal Clear

Tasty & Freaky

Check out And You Thought Rudolph Got Teased? I must agree with Liberty Just in Case -

There are some stories that simply HAVE to be read with a Southern accent, even when they occur in Wisconsin.

That Time at that Time of the Season

No not female time but a weird crazy thing that happens as we get a week or so close to a holiday or one of the boy's birthday parties. I get close to a stressful time and suddenly I get this crafty bug up my  butt and come up with a gift or a party favor idea I want to do... usually entails a great idea but a great idea difficult to execute... Right now it has to do with videos and pics from our Disney Cruise... and/or pics and other pics and videos about my grandma who I miss so much it continues to break my heart every single day. So I end up looking on the Internet to find what I want to make the "Gift" and get lost in all sorts of places. This is NOT a good time for that to be happening..Well it never is a good time but least of all NOW...Well there, now I feel better... Thanks for listening. I will at least sleep on it to determine what it would entail and what I would need to purchase. In the mean time please don't hesitate to

Flying Time and It is NOT the Holiday Season YET

I am just amazed at how quickly this month and year are passing by. However, I have to say I am none too pleased and feel quite aggravated and manipulated to have Christmas and the holidays already being thrust at me full speed. I guess I am a traditionalist and always felt the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christamas were plenty. I know Halloween is the wake up call but do you know how absurd it feels to have Christmas decorations and drinks and hoopla starting when you live in Hawaii and it was 89 degrees yesterday? Too much for me. I also was going to write I have had a few comments that are troubled by my erratic topics in posting...That good ol' PPP coming into play... So if you happen upon here... and think I must be whacked or MPD/Dissociative Identity Disorder...
just know I am making some headway towards Bryceton's braces and having a bit of a go at getting paid to blog....First appointment for the braces are on Tuesday. Ends up he won't be starting with true braces quite yet... this doc also agreed he has a very challenging dental situaiton with 2 different things going on... so we will be starting Bryceton with some type of spacer thing a ma jig... I am quite certain he won't mind me posting pics of it once he gets it. He actually is excited about it in a way. I think it is the experience of having something new and different his friends don't have and as he puts it...something fun to play with in his mouth... So there you go... now I can go find a PPP to write... I think I will be taking the Disclosure Policy one which pays $10.... not too bad.. nope not too bad at all.

Comment & Trackback Spammers Win

    I have held off as long as I can  and I may change back at some point, but the amount of time spent dealing with spam trackbacks and spam comments has hit the point it is really annoying me. I have a captcha thing to supposedly tel if it is a person or machine but I don't think it is working well enough to make a difference. So henceforth, all comments and trackbacks will need to be approved by me.. I hope it doesn't deter you because I really appreciate your kind and even the not so kind words.

Ready for 2006

    Honestly I do have good reasons for why I am still in the process of completing my 2005 income taxes. I do. Stuff just comes up. You be single mom to two young boys who are just cuter than you can possibly stand and who are also little stinkers when it comes to trying to get anything substantial completed. Well it sounds questionable while I write it but I know this next year will be far easier. I have only used my debit card and my major expenses of childcare and health insurance were predominantly taken out pre-tax. So I won't be sitting this close to the deadline asking myself where the hell has time gone?

Always a Blogger Never a Bride?

This post is brought by means of Blogitive. They have some interesting rules about posting for them and so trying to learn the rules am I without straying from the path! I am able to tell you at the beginning of the post it's sponsored  and then I am to talk about the press release, which today comes from Personalized Wedding Favors . Whew...now I have that part over I can tell you I did check it out and was very impressed with the creative ideas and products. Right now they also have a 10% coupon if you sign up for their special offers. Although I doubt I will be needing their products any time soon, I am glad to know where to head if I ever get the chance to plan a wedding again.

Guess the "Dog" Forgot to "Lick" Some Palms Before Bringing Back Luster

    Interesting an initial google news search this morning brought up nothing about "Dog" the infamous bounty hunter and his trio waiting to hear if they would be extradited to Mexico. The three are currently in federal custody here in Hawaii on charges of illegal detention and conspiracy stemming from their 2003 capture of Max Factor heir and convicted rapist Andrew Luster in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

    The convicted rapist had eluded capture until "Dog"Chapman tracked him and snatched him in Puerto Vallarta. As usual for warped Mexican system, a streetside confrontation was reported to local police, who later arrested the Chapmans and their camera crew on kidnapping charges. The Chapmans were released on bail, but failed to show up at a scheduled hearing. My guess, Luster had successfully been paying off locals and the "Dog" forgot to spread some cash around before he departed.

UPDATE: Seems the "Dog"and his crew have been released on bail with monitoring devices...further google searches lead me to believe it wasn't just the "Dog" not licking some palms before leaving Mexico. Seems there are also some other very concerned  jealous bounty hunter(s) who feel the "Dog" are giving an inappropriate impression about their work.

Many thanks to Stop the ACLU for the Friday Free for All

Yes I Know

I definitely need a new picture. Right now I have a link up on  25peeps.com and although I hope you will click on it to lend me some linkage love clicks, I know a 3 1/2 year old picture is hardly fair advertising...I have known this for a while but not come around to having a new picture taken. Time has definitely come as I venture out into some private practice and other ventures.

Unfortunately I don't have any good pictures of myself from the Disney Cruise. I spent the week with severe jet lag/sleep deprivation and no makeup! Yikes! The trip was truly amazing... not for the reasons I had originally hoped... relaxation and time with my Grandpa and other family. Especially Nethan. Nethan and I have a very interesting relationship. When we are in private. He is my loving child. When we are in public and others are around... he is cold as ice. Tells others he does not love me and prefers the arms of others. Very strange and very trying. He started the trip with a cold and so over the week he only spent 2 hours in the Disney program. The 2nd time I was to take him, he started with the crying and dropping to the ground as we approached the door. I wasn't about to "dump" him there but it certainly meant there was very little time to "relax" then as he is very demanding and quite the terror when he wants something and he can't quite tell you what he wants. A great deal of it for him was also likely the jet lag. My parents were gracious enough to take him in the evenings and so Bryceton and I did have some quality time together.My strongest or most favorite memory of the cruise will be having room service for a midnight snack at around midnight to 2 am with just the 2 of us reflecting on the day and many other things. Those are special moments...The other major memories of the trip:

• Deck 9- all of our family, 19 of us knew if you showed up in one corner on Deck 9 by the Cove Cafe, it was only a short bit before someone else would show up ...that was fun. Lots of smoking and drinking and as we say in Hawaii "talking story"
• My cousin Ryan and myself having a Cognac and I had my first Cuban cigar... the cigar a Montecristo,a gift from my Uncle, was a disappointment as a cigar but the memory and checking it off my list of things I want to do in my lifetime... priceless...priceless..
• Pirates IN the Caribbean Party... Stupid stupid STUPID me only took one half ass picture of my parents dressed up and I don't even know if i have a picture of my grandpa with a pirate kerchief and pirate tie. My parents looked awesome. My Dad had the billowing white pirate shirt and eye patch and my mom was the total pirate wench... it was very fun and I am pissed at myself we I didn't make more effort to take pictures of all of them. I have some nice ones of the kids... but STUPID to not take them of the rest...
• There are some feelings that are hard to capture in words... and picures only tell part of the story...To narrow it down a bit for you..Bryceton and Nethan with our family. Their Family. Bryceton was tearful and crying the last night because we were leaving Jordan and all the family. A few days in I asked him about the dinners and shows and he said he not only wanted them but liked them because all the family was together. To see Nethan in the arms of my cousin Jennifer... to hear him the night of the Pirate party talking about wanting and demanding Nicki! (she bought him an awesome light saber) With a second wind he reviewed each family member he loved . Jumping and pouncing on the bed next to me, hugs on legs and kisses he gave family totally out of the blue just because he was so moved....Watching him hold hands with Heather...Telling me last night at the hotel. "I want to go back to our ship mommy" .
• Seeing my Grandpa not only happy but seeing him handsome in an awesome suit. He looked awesome and handsome. AND my UNCLE also looking handsome and awesome in a suit. It was clearly no easy feat to get dressed for one Formal night but we didn't get a picture so everyone was determined and agreeable for dressing formal on semi-formal night to GET the picture!!!! It may sound easy but it wasn't. That says TONS to me.. from the teens to my Uncle and Dad and  Grandpa... How do you say THANK you that it means that much to you too! That picture needs to be scanned but it will be posted. Going out of their way and doing it for all of us... Family....I am impressed by each of them.
• My cousins (all sisters and a brother) having fun together partying together...I liked that. I liked it a lot.
• My cousins are the coolest people. The oldest, Jennifer, is not only an amazing beauty but also very thoughtful and extremely well spoken. Nicki is also stunningly beautiful and recently married. Her husband is in the Air Force in Korea and sadly wasnt there with us but she too is really fun and amazing. Ryan is the only boy and very very funny. It was very fun to kick it with him. Michelle is the youngest. I feel for her because Jennifer and Nicki are such stunning beauties it has got to be difficult to be the youngest of those three. She too is really beautiful but doesn't quite carry herself with the confidence she could and should. It reminds me of being with my friend Stephanie from HS. She was a 12 on a scale of 1-10 and being her friend was really weird. I could never measure up and so instead of being OK with being pretty I kept looking at her as being a 12 and not measuring up and figuring I must be a 1. Of course not true... so Michelle still has her path to walk to find her way. What fun to be with people who are family and you have a LONNNNNNG history with and don't have to explain every littl detail of your history with... I really "get" it as far as enjoying seeing family be together...fun to enjoy it when it isnt just Nethan and Bryceton.I enjoyed seeing the sisters and brother together.It was very nice.

OK my battery is about dead and I don't have the auxillary plug out yet.. so until later....Think  about your own family and what it means...

It was not an easy trip. Virtually every single one of us had a cold or caught a cold by today. Not only NOT relaxing...it was exhausing..There were some  squabbles but ...oh well...

Hodge Podge

Whoa what a day...in the interest of trying to head off my recent bout of awful insomnia, I thought I would dump it all here.
    So here we go...It is nice to feel appreciated... I don't know if I really am but it feels like it right now at my new employer and that is very nice.I will definitely take it..Being a mental health professional has far more going for it in many ways for me than an Execuative. Especiallly as far as quality of life is concerned. It really reminds me of what it is like to come out of an abusive relationship where your sense of self was slowly attacked and demeaned and degraded over time with seemingly simple little things but they all add up to leave you demoralized and detached from your true self. Abusive relationships have a way of making you question whether the sky really is blue.... They see gray. They see clouds. You see sun but insidiously over time...not in a bang against the head you can defend and rationalize reasonably and run away quickly ..but slowly their poison invades and seeps into your life and your mind and soul and self..Terribly trying to remain sane when you are in an abusive relationship. Although movies of the week would have you believe these abusive partners come with a blaring neon warning sign.. they don't. Very few people are complete 100% monsters. The vast majority are not evil  or evil all the time. They always have good points too. Perhaps the most sad part is they never recognize themselves as abusive. They truly do think they are right and that is the way things are done. They think if you could just behave the way they want you to behave there would be no problems. Having been caught up in their small little world, staying on the offensive as a defensive tactic they are not fluid or open or flexible. They find it hard to listen or question or answer your opinions and points as it would rock their very sense of self and thus their world. Truly the options are to end up depressed, psychotic, or to leave.
So you leave, you initially are joyous at the realization the sun really and truly is bright. You start to regain your sense of self and trust in your ability to be happy again. You don't cringe or feel you are walking on egg shells waiting for the next shoe to fall. However, in this case , out of Crystal Clear necessity, ending back in a work situation, you start to feel anxious and a bit uncomfortable when things do go smoothly and sanely as you can't quite trust it really is ok. After all at first you thought the other place was going to be ok too.... Very very unsettling. Same thing for women/men after they leave a domestic violence situation. Definitely a form of brainwashing and definitely a need for detox.

Bryceton & Nethan will both officially start school on Monday. Today there was an orientation at the school and a meet and greet the teacher. As Nethan just qualified for Special Ed yesterday, he wasn't completely and officially enrolled yet so we didn't know what classroom will be his. Both boys are excited Nethan will be at school there too. Very very cute. Adorable. I can't quite fathom Bryceton is a 4th grader. Holy Shiznit. And Nethan... my little babylicious.. my baby is off spending the night all by himself with Grandma and Grandpa. Bryceton is with a friend  and here I sit... preparing for the cruise  and trying to repair the damage they can effortlessly inflict...and well playing with my new cell phone.

    For a bit, I have started to feel very uncomfortable here on my own blog. Initially and still for a very large part, this was and is a fantastic place for support and for genuine thought provoking conversations with people who differ in their opinions from my own. However, at some point it ruined it and seriously spoiled it for me. Context for some reason is/was completely lost or misconstrued by some...whether on purpose or stupidity..Of course other bloggers completely get it ...The others don't or won't and ... well my best guess of an answer is jealousy and pettiness. But jealous and petty people can inflict serious strife and there is a risk involved in blogging I never ever anticipated and won't sign on for! It shouldn't have to concern me. I have thought about different scenarios...and the most appealing at this point in time was to take the most personal posts to a very anonymous blog.... and to continue here with the usual as well as delving off into some more creative aspecats of blogging such as vlogging and podcasting...So that is what I am thinking of right now... allows me the creative space to put together some multimedia presentations and those of you who know me and care for me in the blogosphere sense of the word can email me and gain access to the topsecret blog...

Another Crystal Clear Classic for Free

here for free for an email sign up from Success University. The sign up also includes two free weeks access to a ton of other advice and articles from over 50 other experts. Think and Grow Rich is a classic in every sense of the word. It resonates in all areas of life and is truly timeless. The tenets set forth so long ago are still valid and working today for highly successful people. You may remember another of my all time favorites is As a Man Thinketh and also offered it  for free a while back. 

Sorry is NOT the Hardest Word

Crystal Clear, "NO" ranks right up there.

• NO, there are more important things to do than search through my email to prove I did something or find you didn't send me something you thought you did or tell you I haven't heard anything yet or playing the CYA game
• NO, being exempt does not mean you take precedence over my children,sleep or health day after day, and week after week, for months at a time. There are definitely times of crisis and push. Three out of four weeks is not "times", it is an anxious way of operating I won't do.
• NO, just because I would do something differently does not mean I am inept, incompetent, or that your way is correct. In fact if you checked with me you might think my way made sense or even more sense.
• NO, you are never going to find someone to do the things I can do with my expertise, education, and experience that can do all you are asking and still live congruently with personal values of family and children. Frankly, I seriously doubt you can find someone with my mixture of experience and education who would take this on. And if you did...guess what they'd have a personality style too
• NO, it is better to come directly to me and clarify what you thought was understood than to ask someone else and engage in office gossip. I thank you for the opportunity and am probably refreshingly to you, able to say, Oops! or I am so sorry and never place blame or responsibility on another person without a context or systemic understanding of why something probably happened.

I am guessing you can see pretty well what is going on here. Not too many worries though. Nope...not too many...Faith is strong and God has a plan...I won't fight it..

And by the way... Bryceton finished 3rd grade today! I am so sorry his third grade ended up being such a waste of time for him. At end of scool last year he was reading at about 4-5th grade level and he leaves 3rd grade at about 5th grade level. Writing skills not much  better and his math is still amazing but still made no serious gains as he should have. Things this next year will hopefully be better as I have a suspicion it was largely the teacher who was just happy he was in the proficient level or whatever the hell they call it ... no context for them... nope.. just within the area.

My parents are back from  Phx now and the three of us here are soooooo happy. Last night we saw "Over the Hedge" the  movie sucked but how nice to share Nethan's hearty laughter with them. They also remarked how grown up Bryceton is looking and how well Nethan is doing with his speech despite there being ongoing concerns he is delayed...Bryceton is excited he will get to spend the next week with them just sleeping and vegging and watching TV and playing game cube before starting day camp. For me it means a bit more sleep for a week and a whole lot less nagging. I have a feeling Nethan will feel a whole lot differently though as he still continues to worship Bryceton. He adores him. He hugs on him  and kisses him and Bryceton...well he reciprocates most of the time unless it involves Yu-gi-oh or a neighbor friend is available. Both boys are just such a KICK to be around  when I keep them FIRST.

Tears Tears Tears...

     It would be easy to say TEARS about my birthday on Friday...and easy to say TEARS about all that is going on and not going on at work...but what a heartbreaker to share  our afternoon was spent in consoling Bryceton who was crying about his friend August, visiting from Ventura with his mom, leaving us...
    It was as if the tears that should have fallen last year when we left finally made it to his tear ducts. The sobbing. The wailing. The pleading he wanted to go back to Ventura. The pleading. Missing his friends and missing his school. Can not of course say I blame him. Not one bit.I most definitely miss his school and have my own tears in need of falling.
    I have been asked a couple of times by my mom if I am sorry I moved from Mexifornia. I am not sorry. As a good friend from across the distance recently  reminded me , I just haven't necessarily found the right match for myself and my boys.
    I am not used to this and I don't like it. I genuinely want to love my organization.  I also know I don't need to sit here miserable. God has a plan of that I am confident.  I ask daily for his wisdom in helping me see the path and stay on it. Tears need to fall and many of them still for my beloved grandma. How long is long enough to grieve? I know the way I answered that as a therapist. Doesn't help a whole lot right now.
Tangential? Yes. Heartfelt? Yes.
This is what happens when you don't post for a month.

Crystal Clear Message to Secure Our Borders

Here is a Crystal Clear way to send a message to Washington to let them know you want a comprehensive border security plan including:

• A security wall along the entire southern border
• Better technology for customs and border operations
• More funding and personnel for our Border Patrol
• An overall increased security presence on our southern border

Just please don't buy the brick at Casa Depot.
HatTip: Kender of Kenders' Musings

Technorati Tags: Illegal immigration, Border Control, Coalition Against Illegal Immigration

__________________________________________________________________________

This was a production of The Coalition Against Illegal Immigration (CAII). If you would like to
participate, please go to the above link to learn more. Afterwards, email Brian and let him know at what level you would like to participate.

Reconquista Update-Democrats Recruiting Invaders

For those who this was not enough to see what has been happening... or this or this.... or this ...will they be able to put it together with this and finally say "Enough is Enough"  or are they waiting for the invaders to demand the United States of America be re-named Mexamerica?

 

Democrats recruiting the Invaders...

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This was a production of The Coalition Against Illegal Immigration (CAII). If you would like to participate, please go to the above link to learn more. Afterwards, email Brian and let him know at what level you would like to participate.

Talk About Long Distance

A Malaysian Man Gets $218 Trillion Phone Bill.

After his late father died, Yahaya Wahab disconnected the phone line and paid the 84 ringgit ($23) bill.

Later Telekom Malaysia sent him a 806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit ($218 trillion) bill for recent telephone calls along with orders to settle within 10 days or face legal proceedings.

Makes me wonder if maybe all rollover minutes don't really rollover...Ba dump bum!

Let's Have a Cuppa Java

Been messing around with my sidebars adding some bling and thought I'd throw this out there for my readers...If you enjoy my blog how about treating me to a Starbuck's Mocha while I blog. The link is on the left side..If there is something you want me to blog about, just note it! Crystal Clear a link to your blog is included ...and my treat next time you are in Hawaii!

Another Find for Sunday

I don't know exactly why this story, Convicts are Condemned to a 'Paradise' in Mexico, over at the WAPO back in 2002 fascinates me, but it does.
Looking around I found this, which I guess shows I'm not the only one who found it fascinating. Definitely an interesting novel in there somewhere and it did indeed make it into a film:

La hija del penal, Fernando Soler et al., 1 videocassette (102 min.), Harlingen, Tex, 1996.Notes: Performer Note: Maria Antonieta Pons, Ruben Rojo, Andres Soler.
Abstract: A young and beautiful girl named María lives among the prisoners in the prison of the Islas Marias. She was born to one of the prisoners, a woman called La Pomorosa, who was a former dancer. All the men of the island love and respect her, but when she is ready to leave for "The Continent" (as they call Mexico) for the first time and make her way in the world, her mother warns her never to reveal her origins because no one would believe that a good person could come from a prison.

 and here's another site in Spanish. Okay enough of a break...

Crystal Clear They Had No Case...

So I get another chance to blog about my Ceres hero, Chief Art De Werk, again. I told you he knew what he was doing and did it properly after the murder of Sgt. Stevenson by Andres Raya.

Claims for damages against the city and the Stanislaus County Sheriff's
Department were filed in an attempted shakedown on June 29. Officers and the Police were accused of illegal searches,
roughing up some residents, threatening to kill one family's dog and
generally harassing some residents with frequent contacts.

Chalk one up for the good guys doing a very hard job made even harder by the likes of the ACLU.

Whatta Man Whatta Man...What a Mighty Mighty Good Man

No time to link and trackback the posts where I lauded Police Chief Art De Werk and his officers for their excellence in service and protection of Ceres but thought this article just nicely confirmed what I sensed all along about this man...I told you he got "it"....

What to Do

Not really blogger's block but more like an overload of things I want to blog. What I first enjoyed about blogging was I would just sit down and start typing. I rarely edited and never composed drafts before pushing the publish button. I loved the way it seemed to help with the overly perfectionistic part of myself. I felt free and relished in it. I  was also gratified by the responses I received from readers.

However, the past week or so I have actually had some time to blog and I have indeed written posts... rather started posts and then just left them hanging as drafts. Although tonight I could go back to the drafts, I decided I would try and work through this by addressing it head on.

Various thoughts come to mind like just putting out there some of the topics I am thinking about and linking them and adding a few comments. Then I think about writing the personal part of my life as i continue to mourn the loss of my beloved grandmother and then I think about work and career issues and I think about blogging about that then I think about my boys and realize it has been far too long since I gave a Nethan "Poop" update  and I also have some really funny Bryceton stories as well as disappointments regarding his education here in Hawaii which leads me to thinking about how much I love Hawaii and the locals and the food and the smallness of it...quick side note off of that which will definitely have a post on Monday is that in Mexifornia I was definitely one in the past few years who would write letters to my Senators and Representatives and make phone calls. Although I received boilerplated emails and letters back I never had the time or gumption to request a meeting or believe I'd even get one.

Since being here in Hawaii I have kept that up. However, this time I actually received a phone call from my local Representative Kymberly Pine. I was shocked at first but to speed up the story... I wasn't able to make a community meeting here on Tuesday night to meet her but emailed her I would like a bit of time to have coffee or meet briefly. Someone from her office called and scheduled us to have coffee this Monday!!!

I am so impressed... and you know I can't help but think of my grandma being tickled pink by this and feeling so awful she isn't here to share this with...and thten that jumps me over to the other thing I was going to blog about which a funny thing that happened at work today when someone congratulated me on my letter to the editor about Terri Schiavo being published... At first I thought they were referring to my blog or something and was embarassed and then I thought there must be a mistake because the paper didn't call me to tell me they were going to print it... later I found it on line ...bit embarassed because it truly was off the tips of my fingers (a blog version you can see here)...

Realization: I have reached middle age:

my letter to the editor was published and I have a meeting with my representative to discuss legislature

Nevertheless....to me this is a reminder of how many you can possibly touch with your words, how many I think I still touch with my blog, and perhaps...I should just get back to blogging and stop leaving things sitting as drafts... because remaining in my draft box, posts only make me uncomfortable and anxious. Published here on my blog... I can be agreed with or engaged in discussion and I always end up a better person and better writer.

I Miss Being a Therapist

At first I was surprised I didn't miss it very much. Now as I suffer the throes of crazy-making people, double binds, and office politics... I realize what I miss most about being a therapist.

I miss not having so many moments in a day where I feel inept and incompetent. I miss not having to be "on" so much and so guarded around people.

I am for the most part a very genuine person. I also am through and through a very very honest person when it comes to NOT telling lies. I don't have problems saying , Yep, I screwed up. I made a mistake or I didn't know or I forgot or I let it slip through the cracks...However, I am hating how often it seems to be happening with this job. The other part of being a therapist is that you spend far more time being with people. I just can't get into taking all this paperwork stuff so darn seriously. I really believe the proof is in the pudding. Treatment isn't good because of paperwork and procedures. All the procedures in the world don't ensure good treatment. Well enough for tonight... I miss my old job and I miss being me in my old job.

She Says

Wrote this the other night ...This pretty much still says it like it is:

December 8, 2005

Tonight no internet access and so no way to post this. However, the timing is more than right to express some extremely personal thoughts and experiences. I think people who still frequent my blog will find not find this to be a huge surprise but it still bears worth repeating time and time again as I honestly feel it is part of what makes Crystal…well.. Crystal Clear.

The moving in is still going on. I don’t know why I or anyone else would think this would be all done and complete in a few days.  I just had forgotten or blanked out what hell it is to live in such chaos and still try to live a normal day to day life and to work a job.

We spent our first night here Saturday.  Chaos ensued Monday when I foolishly belived that the one week notice I gave Bryceton’s school in

Waikiki

would help the transfer to Iroquois Point Elementary. The stupid ass school didn’t seem to find it important enough to mention to me that although Jefferson Elementary took care of part of the transfer I would still need to have a day to transfer him. AND although I asked about the aftercare and they told me it would be onsite at the cafeteria and they had the application packet inj the front  office, they didn’t mention I would need to take or mail the application to

Waipahu

to have him start. So Monday found us at the school ready to start and learhning all this. Tuesday found him still with me at work as I hadn’t met the 11 deadline and my boss asking me why my son was at work with me. Sweet considerate thing he is, he had actually gone into the hallway to have his snack of Doritos so he wouldn’t disturb my phone call with his crunching. Tuesday I had to tell my boss I am truthfully at my limit as far as stress goes:

Stressful job (she knows –she did it)

New job (still learning-just shy of 3 months)

Ovarian cyst- (slight intermiiteht internal bleeding-waiting 2^nd Ultrasound January 4^th to see if we take one or both ovaries and/or full hysterectomy or if pain subsides to bearable)

RFP for  procurement (this is huge –and sadly enough no one except personnel here involved seems to “get” how challenging and stressful this is)

COA accredidation process-Visit is in February and is highly time consuming with regards to preparation

A friend from gradeschool and Highschool passed away this last weekend of “natural causes”..he leaves behind 2 little kids… my heart weeps and weeps heavily…

You think that is enough??? Well I didn’t even mention the troubles Bryceton and Nethan have both had with regards to sleeping in a new home and attending their respective schools. OR my own troubles at sleeping here with getting up 3-4 times a night with Nethan crying or feeling out of sorts since I haven’t had a refill on my Thyroid meds in a month. Still not enough? My childcare costs are over 720$ a month and that doesn’t even take into account Bryceton’s school breaks. For Christmas I am going to have to pay 135 a week for him for 3 weeks.

So how does this end up sounding like Crystal Clear?

I will tell you. After fixing dinner, we were into the routine of baths and bedtime stories. Nethan is really easily getting back into this part of the routine! Then I was working at putting away some boxes and trying to  make a dent in this chaos when all I want to do is CRY,,, when I decided to put some music on and chose an Xmas cd that includes a song  by Whitney Houston… When all of a sudden… I was RIGHT back THERE. I was right back to the day and days when I first leanred I was pregnant with Bryceton. I used to cry …happy happy happy happy tears I was…pregnant and was going to be a Mom. It was that easy I snapped out of my mood. THAT quickly I moved into gratitude and realized HELLO… I am putting away stuff into our place in

HAWAII

. HULLO… I did it. I made the move. I got us here. Last year I was thinking about moving here but I was scared of all the changes and of finding a job. I was scared. I wanted to do it but was hesitant. 9 years ago I was decorating a tree and scared but more than grateful and excited I was to have a BABY… and then think about it in 2002 I wanted a baby and was told I had 1-5 % of delivering a baby and Nethan came from my 40 year old eggs and sperm that had been frozen for years!!!!

I mean COME ON… do you know a luckier woman than I???

It always comes down to 2 THINGS:

1) My sons

2) Being grateful for #1

I don’t know why it took me a few days to snap out this and why it  happened so quickly with a song ..well I do know…but it is not worthy of a post right now…bottom line… I am fine. I am not great. I am fine. Considering all I have going on right now..that is pretty darn fine

Get Me Some of That

Several longtime readers wrote over the past few days asking about us and well it seemed like the time to indulge myself..How sad is that? Writing on my blog is considered indulging myself?

At first the comments about me handling my job and doing well seemed so strange to me because I don't feel like I am handling it very well. Of course there are moments where I feel ok and fine and it is a great match. However there are just as many moments in the past week or so where I am just absolutely overwhelmed I am going to not make the grade and am not going to make it past my trial period of six months. I don't think it is my personality flaws that are necessarily getting in the way either. I think it is a phenomenally difficult albeit challenging position. I am the third person in 2 years. My boss is the last person to have held this position for any length of time which adds its own dimension to it. Then throw in the part that I am sleeping in bed with the two boys and living with my parents and have a 45 minute commute and my thyroid meds are off and well ...I think I am doing quite well. Just maybe not good enough for their needs...then again the length of time it takes to recruit a new person ...and accreditation and RFPs coming up...well they might best be stuck with me and working with me...Frankly at this point I have just decided to find my own way through it... I think it is a good match. I like the work I am doing. I think I am uniquely qualified and unless they find a single woman with no kids with my experience...they would best to stick it out with me as well. Also as a side note, if and when I get the Hawaii license as a Marriage Family Therapist , I will have solid job security and marketability.

Biggest news is Nethan starts Pre-school tomorrow.What an event this shall be considering he just fell asleep on my lap about 10 minutes ago and it is midnight...He will definitely be better off on most every account. I just still can't help but worry and be concerned about the long days he will have ahead of him. I also wonder about him and his stubbornness in fitting in and dealing with their schedule. He is definitely head strong and very stubborn. For November he will be going three days a week. That is terrific in my book. By December he will be full time.

The home I want is not available for unknown number of MONTHS.No reasonable explanation. Looks fine except it is missing washer and dryer but the mgt company/dev't company  won't release it. Because of the stress of living here and it is by all accounts by all individuals stressful..I have decided to take another unit which is a duplex with the plan to move to the other unit in several months. This will either help things a great deal or will push me right over the edge.

My other blogging news is that I am about to also be involved with the Hawaii Association of Marriage and Family Therapists as a member of a team of spokespeople regarding mental health issues in Hawaii. Highly likely I will also be a board member. As I will be preparing and presenting testimony, I anticipate writing it up here on my blog and getting feedback and certainly having readers email the legislators wouldn't hurt either. So look forward to that. Which also falls into line with my realization back when I  was looking for work, I write better and think better when I am blogging. It helps me get past the writer's block and makes writing and communicating much easier. Not to mention, I like blogging, I miss blogging, and I really enjoy and treasure the relationships I have developed. The support and interest mean a great deal when I feel like I have the past week or so......very very lonely...very very alone...So don't write me completely off...

Full Battery

Yes, a full battery. Last night I started to post and I could barely get it to post I was alive. Tonight it is strange to be back to posting. True to form there are 164 billion things I should be doing and yes... I know I am exaggerating. Gimme a break.. it is after all my blog.

A week or even two days ago I would have told you this blog was a done deal. I just couldn't keep it up any longer even though I still wanted to keep it and really didn't want to end it. Last night and tonight are different in that I am trying something a bit different in comparison to the past 6 weeks or so. I need to spill... I need to connect. The connections I am making at work are not of the type I can spill the beans and connect on a personal and meaningful level....

First off I owe a huge apology to the Cotillion gals as I had a post with all the links and write ups ready to post and then somehow closed it and left it in draft status thinking I had posted it...I also didn't have the keys to our/their spot on mu.nu. How awful to have let so many wonderful women down. Part of what has stopped me from posting in addition to the new job is that back on October 8,2005 I sat for the Marriage Family Therapist license here in Hawaii. After being licensed in Ca for 10 years you wouldn't think it should have been such a big deal. However, it was a big deal since I had the new job and the test had a very different focus than the licensing exam I took in Ca back in 1995. I put in as much study time as I could fit but I won't know if I passed or failed for another month or so. I am not placing any bets on whether I passed or failed. I just know if I have to take it again next year I will most definitely pass.

As for the rest of the update. We are still living with my very patient and loving parents in their 2 bedroom condo. I have about an hour commute each way most days. Some days I stay here in Honolulu and the drive is about as bad as driving out to Ewa. Poor Nethan is in desperate need of playing with other kids but the preschool at my work won't have an opening for him for another month or two. Poor grandma, as she is held hostage by a beautiful but demanding youngster who is very ...TWO....Poor grandpa as he has his home slowly being consumed by toys and the clutter of children.Although Bryceton seems to have made a better adjustment to school than he had a month or so ago, he is still not as happy with his friends and learning as he was at Open Classroom.

Here you can see all of us at a wonderful and extravagant meal at Nick's Fishmarket to celebrate my job. My job is amazing. On one hand it is a really great match for my skills and experience. On the other hand it is an amazing amount of work and responsibility with a very steep learning curve. The more difficult challenges lately seem to be dealing with my tendency to get totally and completely wrapped up in things that have no ending and to feel guilty for doing things that take care of "me". No the blog is not what I am thinking of in this case...In this case it is enjoying my boys. Being with my boys is taking care of "me" in a way I hadn't realized until the past week or so.I love them so much and in the day to day life lately of scrambling around I almost lost how much I enjoy them and enjoy being their mom. The day to day stuff has to be enjoyed and currently it is very hard meshing it in with this job.

I found us a place to rent that is a whole other interesting story. I have been so busy I haven't even been able to find time to email the head of the development corp. to see why my unit (which I qualified for and gave them a check for on 9/19/05) is sitting there empty , only missing a washer and dryer. Time tics away so I will somehow find the time tomorrow to call them in Texas and then try to post the story tomorrow night. My writing is quite disjointed I am sure but hey...I never promised you a coherent update...I don't know if I promised you anything but I do know I can sleep a bit better tonight knowing there might be a few comments to cheer me tomorrow night.

Still Alive

Operation Hula for the Moola COMPLETED!

Show Me the Money Part 2

Hard time believing how much has happened since last time I posted. I still have not fixed the laptop and am most likely just going to re-format the hard drive. Until that happensm, I am here writing on my dad's computer.

The job search has taken an amazing and humorous swing. I am now at this point being seriously considerd for 3 positions. Each of the three positions I would take and feel very good about doing so. Not the best of my grammar on this post and not wanting to take time to edit I am going to outline a great deal of what is going on inside me head and in my life:

• Last Wednesday interview for a position with a start-up org that has a contract with state to provide housing and what not for a portion of the SMI population here. I could tell this woman wanted me. This job is a great match in that I know "group home" stuff and this is group home stuff for adults. I would have a great deal responsibility and liked the woman who would be my supervisor. Great eventual probability for moving into position of CEO. Obvious ability to me to make a difference in the lives of people here who desperately need services. Great feeling as I left. Money talk was left at that I shared with them the salary portion of what I was previously making.They were to call Wednesday with the complete offer and information concerning benefits package. Today I receieved a call saying they were considering me seriously for the position but things were being tweaked a bit and want me to meet with the team and I will get a call next Monday.
• Job 2- Position with the Army as an Adolescent Substance Abuse Counselor. This is actually my "favorite" position. Also honestly the easiest of the three. I have wayyyyyyyyyy more experience than necessary. Also most likely the lowest paying position even though I would go in at at least a Grade 11 with a 25% COLA adjustment for Hawaii. I had an hour 1/2 interview Monday morning and will meet with the woman who'd be my supervisor on Thursday morning. I already had a brief interview with her through a personal contact here so this is more of a formality than true interview. She definitely wants me and the company is in great need to fill not one but 2 positions to be in compliance with their contract. After this interview there is a meeting with a bigger whig in Montana.
• Job 3-This is the wild card position. I was surprised it went as well as it did and that they are moving as quickly as they are...I am so honored and impressed with myself I am even being considered for it. Unfortunately it is largely an administrative position and I wouldn't have the clinical experience with clients. Fortunately I would working with the largest and oldest NPO in Hawaii in the position of Director of Mental Health Services.... This is a fantastic opportunity. Fantastic. Great deal of stress and pressure but I believe after doing this position with this organization and of course doing it with  Crystal Clear style for several years that I would be able to get any number of different positions here or anywhere. The money is yet to be settled but they have checked my references and had requested today's 2nd interview before I had even pulled into the parking lot. Taking into account this is Hawaii, and that is now obvisouly the perspective I must take as I am now in Hawaii... the salary is a good salary for a Hawaii NPO director position.

So there you have it... Most likely the next post will have me posting either a) I have a position and have been hired or b) have receieved an offer and am trying to stall until I can get a higher firm offer from one of the other two... I would take any of these three jobs. If money was the same in all of them I would take the easiest one which is with the Army...but as the single and only financial provider for myself and the boys... the one with the best financial offer is most likely to get me unless the difference is negligible...Definitely exciting exciting stuff....Very exciting. only dampened a bit by the fact that Bryceton is not having the easiest of transitions into school and making friends here. It is getting better and I know it is good for him to face this but he is a great kid who is used to things coming easily to him and so this is a bit of an eye opener. I received the letter yesterday that he did indeed qualify for the Gifted and Talented Program in Ventura. As they don't have a comparable program here in Hawaii, it won't mean much as far as getting him into a program here. Thus things are and will be great for me but it won't mean a whole helluva lot if Bryceton isn't happy and thriving and doing great. Also all three of these jobs are great in that they would be located in areas a great deal more affordable than Waikiki. However, that also means Bryceton will have to go through this difficulty AGAIN... I hate to do that to him...but it so much more affordable and better quality of life out of Honolulu...Please return... I also have another humorous side story and endeavor I want to share in my next post...and please keep me in your prayers. I have thanked and thanked and thanked God for these opportunities and I am truly blessed to be waiting the outcomes... Definitely  more excitement than anxiety but I dont' have any experience in trying to negotiate a higher salary...I do know my gutt was right last week when I had a feeling I would be employed within 2 weeks....So looks like President Adams was correct after all.....

Show Me the Money

       Believe it or not...and I am sure you do... I posted last night about  the interviews I have had but  I didn't get to save it before the laptop lost power. Makes for a very tangential and stream of consciousness post tonight...In fact I almost thought about calling this post the Friendship Edition...
    I have been putting myself  "out there" for lack of a better words. I am an alum of Thunderbird, The Garvin School of International Management. Thunderbird is extremely well known for it's networking. In fact in many cities across the world there is a gathering of T-birds every last Tuesday of the month. I myself have been to T-bird Tuesdays in Glendale, Japan, Hong Kong, LA, and Cincinnati. I have a bazillion stories about the mystique of the T-Bird connection and 6 degrees of separation but they aren't important this evening. What is important to me tonight is that I have started the process of making friends. Not the friends you meet because your kids go to the same school and not the friends you make by sitting in front of your computer screen which of course are wonderful but not the same... but friends in the sense of friends and networking. It was fun and unusual, in fact HIGHLY unusual for me to have several hours with grown-ups and not talk about our kids.Although this was a part of why I moved to Hawaii since I have the best of all babysitters right here..a.k.a grandparents it was really even more enjoyable and interesting than I had hoped.

    As far as the job and interviewing update...The first interview on Tuesday went quite well. I am surprised I have not had a call for a 2nd interview. I say that all the while wanting to let you know it was a ton more work and responsibility and a great deal less money than I was making in Mexifornia. There was an extra interview thrown in on Wednesday late afternoon with Salvation Army Family Treatment Services. I have had a quasi job offer and was quite flustered when she called. Flustered because frankly I have never had to turn a job down and have never had to negotiate a salary. The offered salary is grossly grossly grossly grossly ....you get the picture right...less than I was making. Furthermore it was not much more than I was making with  3....yes THREE years experience and I have almost 15 now...Today I had the interview for Safe Haven with Mental Health Kokua. Honestly I don't think the interview went extremely well. I could definitely do the job, I am qualified for the job, but the place didn't seem like a great place to work. Salary was never mentioned. Afterwards I stopped by a Head Hunter's office. Scuttlebutt is it is the best on the island. After a bit of brief review of my resume, we set an appointment for Monday. This may be the way for me to try and make a transition out of social services with my skills and M.B.A and  make a decent liveable salary. Later in the afternoon I received a call for an interview for a Public Policy Coordinator position with the Hawaii State Coalition Against Dometic Violence . I find it exciting to think about that one. I wouldn't even begin to think it would pay enough but I really look forward to learning about their work and organization.

   As you can see there is definitely progress. Crystal Clear my resume is strong enough to be getting interviews and my interviewing isn't as bad as I had imagined since I already have one strong quasi offer. Unfortunately it now is really going to come down to the money....It just ain't here...There are always going to be people it seems willing to take less money than Crystal to live in paradise.  I am not downhearted for very long...Adjustments will be made and things will work out...I haven't lost faith and I honestly, no matter how many times I hear from people about how much less the salaries are here, have not regretted moving here or looked back...Nope I knew in my gutt for my boys and myself I had to get out of there...and now we are here...and I will succeed. Just needs time to ....Crystallize...Yep...time to Crystallize...

Bonfire of the Vanities...#109

Week 109...Welcome welcome welcome...to the Get a Job Edition of Bonfire of the Vanities...Participants this week receive some career suggestions thrown in with the roasting...After all we therapists are such givers...
    Speaking of other givers...let's start off with this opus by GM's Corner. This little (ha) piece really strikes me as something Opie

might have tried to put over on Andy. Great in content but Aunt Bee definitely wouldn't get it...Less is more...Crystal says...Mortician for you.

"Sense and know higher truth?" ,Crystal Clear to me, Cutler's Yankee Station  went the opposite way and is enjoying some sort of private polish joke...Crystal says...Lame ass Newscaster on some lame ass station in Michigan.
Boys and their toys... ,TFS Magnum 
is thinking correctly here with expecting increasing speed...Crystal says...Designer of Sex Play toys.
Catherine Bosley is  out of work???? In need of employment???? Sheesh why didn't I think of having others like Interested-Participant  spread the word about me looking for work. Crystal says...Pimp with a pink fedora

Famous? ,For